Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How's work?
Spinning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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