I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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