sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
