I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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