is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize