people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
