No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
