Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
