R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
