Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You ruined the universe
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
