Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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