I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
