I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
