Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
