If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
