So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
