i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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