the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
