Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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