oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
