hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
