I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
