she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
