just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
