I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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