she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
