im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
