Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
