you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
