don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
