don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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