Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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