how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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