I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
