I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize