it was like his penis was on wheels.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
