I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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