So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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