While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
