Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
