He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
