I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
