I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
