Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
