you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
