nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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