What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize