So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
