Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
