The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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