I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
