God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
