Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
