The beers last night were like the tears from god
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
