So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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