I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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