no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
