i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
