..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
