I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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