Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
