my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
