This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
