I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
