i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
