So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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