Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
