Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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