he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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