Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
