I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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