it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
