Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
